Criminal

That’s it, I’ve had it! Time to make something of myself. After looking over my options, the voices in my head have unanimously decided that I am perfectly equipped to become a gangster. Turning to a life of crime after being a respectable member of society is not exactly the way most gangsters start out but on the bright side it will serve as a defense at a potential future trial of mine: “Look at this face ladies and gentlemen, does it look like the face of a guilt-ridden evildoer or the hardened mask of a merciless killer? Examine the writing style of this person. She’s highly educated and a great speller. There is no way she committed the crimes the prosecutor is accusing her of”. There will be new standards-my own. First things first: A letter will be mailed out advising all mobsters that a new Godmother is emerging. I already see the panic and the division within the mob world. Some will welcome the newcomer while others will start making preparations for my untimely execution-all of which I will be ready for. Next item on the agenda will be to make new purchases; in my case robbing the clothing stores blind. I need new suits, fedoras and ties (for everyday activities like high-profile police chases and shootings) and evening gowns for special occasions. The most difficult task will be recruiting members who will obey me and carry out my requests without question. To accomplish that I will need to make a name for myself as the most notorious villain who ever set foot in the Big Apple. This has to be done by word of mouth since I am not planning on doing all the dirty work myself, at least not in the beginning. I will send out a new memo amending my initial one, taking credit for all the jobs which have been done by the worst kind of sadists. After enough fear has been instilled into the members of the general public I will make my first appearance at a gathering of the heads of the mafia families, having only two guys at my side to show my fearlessness and total lack of respect for the more veteran and aging thugs. I will be wearing a burqua and only my eyes will be visible. My undergarments will consist of a full-body bullet-proof vest. When the shooting erupts I shall remain standing like the untouchable soldier that I am. Shortly after this publicized incident the notoriety and infamy will follow. This is the kind of life every kid dreams of but is too afraid to embark on. Let me be the first to pave the way. I will also need high doses of prescription (or non-prescription) medicine as a preventative measure against crapping my pants while I perform all the above-mentioned tasks.