Loopy mon/Mono ploy

Monopoly is evil. It unscrambles into a shady Jamaican calling you crazy or a ploy to pass on Mono. It brings out the Jew in your Hispanic friends and it makes your Jewish friends live up to every single negative stereotype. All of a sudden the sweet innocents become lucrative deal makers and business owners. Where were you during the Apprentice auditions?
My mind works differently. When they say this is a game of chance, they ain’t kiddin’. To give you an idea how chance works: I don’t know the value of money, I suck at negotiating, and I just don’t give two craps. Armed with that information and the fact that it was my very first time playing, guess who won?
This game proves that people go crazy over any kind of money, even the fake kind, and all of us want to be wealthy real estate owners. Nothing feels better than charging poor suckers rent-evidenced by the delirious rush of excitement when your best friend lands on your property. You can show your true colors without appearing greedy or immoral. If I ever had to collect rent from a friend I’d have to act cool and collected but if I confiscate said friend’s life savings and housing during Monopoly I’m allowed to jump for joy. I now have an idea of what landlords do in the privacy of their home when all the checks come in.