Unrequited love

It’s no secret that Jews have always been loved and admired throughout the ages. What might seem like acts of terror are really hidden kindnesses similar to those a loving parent would use on his child to teach them a lesson. The following people have been perceived as heartless anti-Semites but it’s time to clear their names.

Moses’s brother the Pharaoh
How much do you have to love somebody not to want to part with them? In this instance Moses had to beg and plead to be granted leave, along with 40,000 of his closest friends. I’m almost thirty, but when I ask my parents to go away for some time they say “no”-out of their love for and attachment to me. Much like them, this particular Pharaoh loved his little alien nation so much that he withstood all kinds of tortures to be able to keep them. I mean, who in their right mind would jump right in the middle of two giant tsunamis after someone they didn’t care about, except a loving mother? Moses utilized his best Jewish intimidation techniques: sending the plagues by night and then coming by the next morning and politely inquiring whether he’s free to go yet. The Pharaoh should’ve learned when to cut the cord.

Mel Gibson
Who knew? All this time the guy was harboring his Lethal Weapons-to be unleashed at a later date. He was obviously on a three step program to cure his Jew addiction. Step one: make a movie portraying Jews in a less than favorable light. This one was the hardest step and the poor fella relapsed and denied any and all such intentions. Step two: get drunk and stupid-nothing to do with Jews but always helps in crises, except after an AA meeting. Step three: accuse the Jews of being the culprits of all the world’s woes. Psht. That’s not debasement, it’s historical quotes uttered millions of times before, which at least prove that Mel was an avid follower of current (and past) events and there actually may have been a historical basis for Braveheart.

A bunch of Adolfs
Turns out that if your first name is Adolf, you’re not gonna be a fan. Also turns out, you’re not gonna end well. In a game of Pinky and the Brain style world domination schemes the Jews will always be the Brain so that only leaves Pinky. Shout out to all the Adolf’s out there!