So You Think You Can __________?

We’ve all seen those poor souls trying to bust a move when there is obviously no bust to be made. They are blissfully unaware of the unwritten automatic disqualification for contestants who have no rhythm. I guess the laughing, pointing and eye-shielding doesn’t turn them on to the fact that the situation is hopeless. If it does, they don’t mind appearing as a victim of some unknown punishment. Add a lack of coordination and zero choreography to the mix and just see how quickly the dance floor parts for you dancing Moses. I have to admit though that it is a talent of sorts to be able to move at your own pace when it clearly differs from the harsh pounding beat of the music.
Another offense people are guilty of is singing when they are completely and utterly tone deaf or possess a voice timbre of any variation of “put me out of my misery”. Karaoke was thoughtfully designed for those with a combination of the two. There is still reason to be merry because no one will be able to tell if you actually know the melody to the song you’re singing since your tone deaf screech will put a unique spin on virtually anything.
There is always one comedian in the group who tries too hard. One surefire way to assess your sense of humor is to calculate how many people laugh, or at least slightly bend the corners of their mouths upward. If no such luck, then please refrain from further attempts. If is painful to watch and I personally go into a nervous guffaw just to feel more comfortable.
Coolness cannot be taught. You’re either born with this feature or you’re not. Forcing it by holding a cigarette in your hand the wrong way, speaking deliberately slow and low, and donning a leather jacket from the 80s will only bring about the belief that you’re slightly hot because you’re nowhere near cool.