At the office (slight exaggeration)

I’m stuck in an office all day. There’s nowhere to run. I always expect the unexpected. At any moment someone’s head can pop in and start giving me instructions on how to do my job followed by how to live my life in general. That’s how I spend the majority of my day, talking to random heads. If they don’t catch me in the office they will make sure to run into me in the copy room or on my way to the bathroom or as I run for the elevator. Can’t they see that once I’m moving I am not willing to stop and chat? The way I look at them should make it pretty clear. They either don’t care or they don’t see the blatant hatred behind my piercing stare. Every time I turn the corner I’ve developed a habit of poking my head out first to make sure that I don’t collide with anyone and as luck would have it someone I’ve been avoiding successfully for a week will be popping out their head as well. “Oh hello, how are you"? "Great and you"? "Good". "Well I’m glad that’s over. Talk to your head tomorrow, same corner same time.” It could be worse. These heads can sneak up on you. As I’m making copies and staring at the ceiling I get startled by a voice and before turning around I try to make the connection between what I hear and the head it actually belongs to. I try not to turn around. The insolent head just interrupted me from my reverie and forced me to divert my attention to what it’s got to say. So say it then and get out. I don’t have to turn around to see you. 99% of the time I know who you are so no need for me to witness your facial expressions, your arm gestures, and the overall appearance you’re putting out there today.

All these attempts at slithering around the office unnoticed are further weakened by my exterior. I am a tall, attractive girl who likes to wear nice, noticeable shoes with high heels. If you don’t see my head approaching then you will definitely see or hear my shoes. They are bright and lovely. Someone always has to comment about them. “Those are some serious shoes, Diana". "Thank you". "Where did you get them"? "At the store". "Which store?" "Payless". "They’ve got a huge sale, you haven’t see it?” or “I’ve got shoes similar to yours"! "I’m sure you do". "I got them at Payless like you recommended". "I got mine at Barney’s and I’ll let Prada know that Payless is also selling their shoes now.”

That sums up the conversations I have with people at the office and my feeble attempts to keep them at a minimum. Old employees are already set in their ways but I can still influence new ones. From now on I will place my tips on their desks to let them know in no uncertain terms that I do not appreciate being caught off guard so if you see me looking out the window during work hours just walk on by. Nor do I appreciate any talk about my shoes, my wardrobe or anything pertaining to the entertaining and enigmatic subject of Diana.