A touch of optimism

It turns out that most of my writing is misconstrued as being overly pessimistic. I admit that I’m a glass half-empty kind of gal but if the audience requests a healthy dose of jolliness who am I to say no?

It just so happens that I saw a bunch of “optimistic” shows on the History channel about 2012, doomsday, and the 5 million ways the Earth can seize to exist so I am in the perfect frame of mind to regurgitate something positive and motivational.

I would like to start off by saying that life is great. It really is. Even if you’re a homeless, disease-ridden sucker, there is hope for you yet. My problem is that I am annoyed all the time. I can’t stand most people, places and the overall state of affairs. The obvious solution has been staring me in the face all along- stop watching the History Channel! That shit can really do a number on your psyche. After being informed that the Earth will end in 2012 what’s my motivation to get out of bed? None, zero. I wanna lay there until December 30, 2012 and then jump up and run all my errands on December 31st right before the big KABOOM. I also need to exclude the very poisonous channel called A&E because it leads me to believe that the USA is full of all sorts of addicts. Thankfully these lost causes have one thing in common: they are the only rotten fruit in their families. The rest of the brood are caring, selfless, generous souls who like to stage interventions. The most optimistic part of all is that the intervening counselors have all been down that road before and are now back to stop others from going down the same path. Why would I take advice from a recovering addict? Because I'm an optimist! If they say they've recovered then I have to take their word for it even though I know they’re just one step away from smoking crack with their clients as soon as the cameras stop rolling.

Aside from excluding all those putrid shows, I also suggest to never buy self-help books. Those can really bring out your cynicism, instill false hope and cause unnecessary motivation. On second thought, if you’re a gullible, easily influenced creature you are free to enjoy your "guided" existence.

The best way to stay healthy and optimistic is to plug your eyes and ears like those "See no evil and speak no evil" monkeys, preferably at a young age before enough information registers in your puny brain.