Sin-sational

I’ve recently been informed that the bad behavior a person exudes is not his fault, but the fault of some demon inhabiting the poor bastard’s soul. There is the demon of sloth, which makes us behave like koalas. There’s the green-eyed witch called envy which forces us to resent those in possession of something we crave. There is a gluttonous little devil making us consume everything in sight and make up excuses for it. And so on. Next time you notice yourself exhibiting the signs of improper conduct don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s not you, it’s them. Don't judge others too harshly. The subway molestor is probably having an inner struggle with his lust incubus as he gropes you from behind. In some cases there may be a few buggers co-existing in one person. I counted all my “flaws” and estimated that at any given moment around five close, personal friends (that’s what I consider them to be) are at the controls of my aircraft, give or take some occasional visitors (like when I have a psychotic screaming episode out of the blue). Sorry ladies it’s not PMS, it’s anger rearing its ugly red face with red eyes.

How could this be? Are we not the operators of our own machinery? Are we only driven by lust, gluttony, anger, pride, envy and greed (I will exclude sloth because there’s no drive there at all) interrupted by the occasional bathroom breaks? I don’t know for sure so lets take a look at the evidence, shall we?

Do you want to eat all the food in your fridge? No. Do you eat it anyway because it looks lonely? Yes.
Do you want to hit a wealthy, gorgeous person in the face? No. Do you do it anyway? Yes.
Do you think you’re the best person in the whole world? No. Do you act like you are? Yes.

The proof is astounding. Someone is forcing you to do things you don’t wish to do.

The good news? There is a way to get rid of your inner devils by making their life a living hell (you like that?) The way to go about it is by exorcising (not exercising so don’t worry sloths) the demons. Kind of like overthrowing a dictator.

Please contact your local religious advisor for more information.