Paranoia

The problem with being popular is that someone is always stalking you and/or trying to kill you.
Thankfully I am not popular and yet I still feel like I’m being stalked. I try my best to avoid the prying eyes. They’re everywhere I go. I get on the train, the bus or I walk the streets and cannot escape the glares I get from people. They scare me and I want to shield myself form them. I wear large black sunglasses. This helps except you can still see my eyes and the last thing I want the person staring at me to know is that I’m staring right back at them. Also the only time sunglasses can be worn are on a sunny day or if you’re blind. How unfair that the blind get double protection! They are walking around not knowing they’re being stared at and on top of that they wear sunglasses as if at any given moment their eyesight can pop back on at the push of some button. I also started wearing a cap, not just any cap but a Yankees cap. It’s pink! This backfired because now I have people looking at me thinking that I’m a hardcore Yankee fan when in reality I’m more of a cover my head from all the Yankee fans fan. The third measure of protection I’ve taken is to just simply run away. If I don’t like the way you are giving me the once-over I will run and make you look foolish. Once I missed my stop on the train just so the person who was staring at me can get off and I wouldn’t have to get off with them and have them continue to stare at me as we exit the subway. Instead I went an extra stop and was 20 minutes late for work because of it.

Does this smell like lunacy? I think not! For all you know the person who is staring at you is also thinking the worst possible evil thoughts and they’re all aimed at you. The people who stare at you never stare kindly but always seem to have an evil grin and I’m sure they’re not thinking about what to have for dinner either. I can’t speak for everyone but I personally do not like those evil eyes with their evil thoughts pointed anywhere near my direction. On some occasions I wanted to come up to the culprit and say: What are you looking at?” or more importantly “what are you thinking?” but I’m too afraid of them answering: “You’re the one with the huge black glasses and a pink Yankees hat you suspicious freak!” They would of course be right. Who am I to demand answers when I’m hidden behind glasses and a hat?