A "friendly" hookup

A co-worker came into my office today to tell me the awesome news that she's got a man for me. He's attractive and "the coolest guy ever!" He's also divorced with two kids. Ok, I thought, at least there's no pressure to pop anything out anytime soon. She then proceeds to tell me that, like everyone else, he's not perfect and there is one little thing I must overlook. I mean, you already told me he's a balding divorcee with grown potential future step kids of mine. What else you got? “He’s done time”, she says.

After I returned from my blackout (because nothing registers anymore after the words “he’s been to prison” even if followed by “for giving the orphans too much food and money”), I was able to piece together the following circumstances of his manslaughter conviction. This happened when he was in High School and wouldn’t you have it, somebody pulled a knife at him. Obviously he pulled out his own knife and stabbed the fool. I can totally relate to that. When I was in school every time anyone as much as pointed a pencil at me, they’d automatically get shot. The jury in my case was bright enough to see that it was blatant self-defense. What was wrong with the members of his jury is unknown but he definitely got the short end of the stick. This by no means should deter me from dating this guy. The booming threat of a little manslaughter never hurt anyone, has it? Looking back, I should’ve thanked her for such a great referral and the fact that in her opinion I can’t do any better then an old, bald, deadbeat criminal. I've dated law-abiding citizens and where has that gotten me? Time to switch it up a bit. Instead I told her that if I wasn’t currently having conjugal visits with five inmates already, I’d totally take her up on her offer.