Health food nut or just plain nutty?

   Hey you , you know who you are. Let me ask you something. Why all this pressure to eat healthy? Isn’t it better to just relax and throw whatever tastes good onto your palate and enjoy yourself? Don’t give me that “healthy eating to prolong life” bullshit. You want to prolong your bad-tasting life go right ahead but let me do what I want to do while I’m still here. It’s bad enough you want to torture yourself but why are you trying to include me in this masochistic behavior? It’s a good thing I’m not easily brainwashed. When it comes to food I like whatever tastes sweet, yummy, and delicious, plain and simple. If it ain’t good it ain’t my kind of food. You can stick your carrots where the sun don’t shine and use them as a colon cleanse for all I care. It is especially irritating if someone has been eating junk all their lives and all of a sudden had an epiphany at a ripe old age of seventy. Jack LaLanne is the only dude who did it all his life and that’s why he’s in great shape. In comparison I also know some out of shape folks who claim to lead a healthy existence which they just started last night while watching infomercials. I am not angry with you. I am slightly annoyed that you are trying to confuse me and are meddling in my happy relationship with my food.

   I am not ashamed to admit that one of these individuals happens to be my own mother. I am ecstatic for her but sorry for myself. Every time she calls I only hear “advice” on the other end of the line. I’ve accumulated more advice than I can crap out. Every time I even look at a slice pf pizza I start hearing voices in my head, mainly this: “Don’t you eat that pizza. You want to be fat like your mother?” She refers to herself in third person as if she’s not really talking about herself but some other mother of mine who used to be fat. No I don’t want to be fat like my mother or any other mother walking around the supermarket picking out cakes and pies for her family. What I do want is that slice of pizza though. I have such a guilty conscience after consuming something I actually like that I’m shocked how I managed not to develop Bulimia so far. It must be because I have so much respect for whatever I’ve just consumed that I want to keep it with me until it’s time for it to exit my system gracefully. Anorexia; however, has never crossed my mind. That’s just pure starvation. Why would I want my own body to start eating itself from the inside out? I’ve got enough problems on my plate. Bottom line: Eat, enjoy, live, and be happy that your stomach is able to digest all the garbage you put into it.