I want to write a book

    Both Mackenzie Phillips and Kathy Griffin are coming out with books. Kathy writes about her pedophile brother and her torrid affairs with comedians, while Mackenzie aims straight for the best-seller list with the intriguing topic of incest, revealing she slept with her own father. Alrighty then. I was also astounded by the long list of men both of them claim to have had. Those are some impressive numbers even for attractive girls. These women, however, are one fruit away from the ugly tree. As soon as Mackenzie turned eighteen, Mick Jagger “forcefully” seduced her saying he’s been waiting to do that since she was ten. This seems fairly plausible, considering he was at a shortage for women (models in particular) at the peak of his popularity and she was just that irresistible. All I gotta say is that such a union pretty much guaranteed gorgeous children. Oh and what an underhanded way to mention that Mick was also a pedophile. I’m starting to wonder if there’s anyone who isn’t nowadays. It’s almost becoming chic or something. Mackenzie talks about being high her whole life as well. What is she trying to do, induce sympathy or more revulsion? I was fonder of Valerie Bertinelli on One Day at a Time anyway, even before I heard all this about Phillips.

     Are there no topics left to write about except the sins of the past? Kathy is a comedian for God’s sake; can’t she write a book about something funny? Pedophilia is not funny, especially in this country. No matter how sarcastic you try to make it sound. It’s up there with murder and arson. If an unknown person seeking fame wrote such a book, went on Oprah to discuss it, and then straight to rehab, I’d understand because that’s the claim to fame but she’s already famous so why take this path?

     The wheels in my head have been turning trying to conceive a good idea for my autobiography. I had it pretty good compared to these women so do I need to resort to making stuff up? How far can I take it before somebody realizes that I’ve got to be lying? A realistic title would be something like: Very sheltered. Who would buy that? Therefore I am leaning towards a more provocative version: Potentially mentally unstable druggie with incestuous tendencies and lurid desires for children, all of which have not been acted upon as of yet. Ha! I’ve got them both beat.