Education is overrated

(Project) manager
This big shot walks around the office pretending to be busy. That’s in the job description. In reality only one of the following two skills is required: either you crack the whip (the one your spouse gave you for your birthday) to instill fear, or you falsely shower everybody with compliments to be “likeable” and assume you’re in. If you can do both without offending anyone you will make it to CEO in no time.

Attorney
Bullshit, bullshit and more bullshit coming right up! As if years of law school and passing the BAR isn’t enough, these glorified bullshitters have to also pass the character and fitness test. Aren’t these standards a bit too high considering failure is imminent once they start to actually practice? The whole industry is built on lies and deceit. The liars and cheaters up in the chain decide which potential backstabbers they will accept into their “fraternity” and the character and fitness being tested here is apparently the one which has the highest potential of making the most money with as little effort as possible.

Physician’s assistant and nurse
Are you serious? The doctor makes all the important decisions (and is the one who is held responsible and ultimately sued if shit hits the fan) so what do his helpers need to go to school for? It seems simple enough to pass the scalpel when asked to do so during surgery and try your best not to faint. The easiest item on the list is to check on patients who are in comas or are unresponsive for some other reason (like not wanting to be bothered by some silly nurse or their loved ones). In this case I’d think you place the checkmark under ‘blissfully asleep’ and move on. Administering medication? Any reasonable idiot can do it. Popping pills is what the nurse does after she’s finished feeding them to her patients. If she knows her own dose then she can estimate her patient’s also. Enough said.

Accountant
I do my own taxes and I don’t know the law, rules or anything about the mind of the IRS. If you have a bit more knowledge on that topic than I do, you should be able to complete a form with no problems. Accountants are omnipotent when it comes to handling our money. They do all the cheating for you so I see the appeal but now they need to step it up since TURBO TAX is extremely eager to hook me up for less.

Psychiatrist/Social Worker
If you’re going to pay me a fortune to listen to your problems and give advice on occasion I’d do it in a heartbeat. Again, education seems out of place here. Good listening skills (or feigning skills) are required as well as super control of your facial expressions and laughing triggers. Once those are achieved after sufficient practice, it’s in the bag. To dispense advice just have flashcards at your disposal (with ten bits of fortune cookie wisdom) and pull one out at random as required.

Scientist
Astronomers are particularly on my shit list. Somebody has to buy me one of those expensive telescopes so I can ‘scope’ out the situation in the cosmos and write down everything that’s there or not there. After which I can publish a book, appear on the discovery channel with my two cents, and go home with a large chunk of change. My new plan is to go spend a few days by the HUBBLE in order to make a name for myself. I bet I will make a new discovery on an hourly basis (especially with a little help from LSD). Don’t even remind me of geologists. When grown men play with rocks like little children it concerns me. A rock is made of crap just like the rest of us now go do something productive.

Teacher
Have you completely hit rock bottom and ran out of ideas of what to do with your useless existence? Teaching little ones whose brains haven’t formed well enough to know any better is right for you! Come on down to P.S.100001 and you can sit in your chair showing videos of anything (because these fools have seen nothing), and scribble your name on the blackboard fifty times while behind you there’s a dozen of gaping mouths glued to your every move. Hopefully none of these little leeches commits any crime later on in life. Feeling important yet?

Optometrist
Can you see the letters all the way in the back of my other, new, fully mahogany-furnished, tastefully designed office? No? You need glasses.

Meteorologist/Weatherman
Tomorrow it may or may not precipitate. If it does, I get my paycheck. If it doesn’t, I still get my paycheck.

Air traffic controller
Believe it or not, some form of education is needed here. Sitting in a room, equipped with a screen, showing the route and speed of airplanes is not enough to perform at your optimal level. What else do you possibly need to know? How to make a call to the pilot to say “watch out” or “storm ahead so you better get out the way, land, or pray”? A vision exam should pretty much wrap it up. Anything else on the curriculum better be terrorist-related, otherwise I’m baffled.