Golf

What can be said about this pathetic excuse for exercise? All I know about this event is that a lot of men get together and swing their clubs until a tiny ball hits someone in the eye, bounces off of a gopher’s head, skips through a pond, and lands in a hole 100 miles away. Sometimes the golfer is lucky enough to stand right next to the hole but then proceed to push the ball way past it. The only player I heard about is Tiger Woods and he’s supposedly the best ball-pusher out there. This sport is so easy and relaxed that, as a blow to the professionals, it’s also a favorite pastime of wealthy, retired grandpas who got nothing better to do and can barely walk. There is no need to locomote anywhere because there are golf carts that take you to your destination while you enjoy the scenery. The only requirements are to own a club, dress like a preppy, and occasionally get in the water to retrieve a lost ball (not sure if the latter is really necessary seeing as to how they’re all rich and can afford a new ball).

If I was forced to be a spectator I would probably volunteer to fetch the ball from the lake and drown myself on purpose. I’m pretty sure that the professional players would rather save the balls than me and the old geezers aren’t the best lifeguards. I played golf only once in my life but not in an open field. Instead I was cooped up in some game room, on a date (since this game, besides pool, is the best way for a guy who barely knows you to rub up on you from behind while pretending to give pointers).

What have we learned from all this? That’s right, that Tiger is a legitimate guy’s name.

P.S. What are the chances of using the pick up line of “Hey there Tiger”, and actually hitting the nail on the head?