Stalker

I am happy to report that I have a stalker. He is a kind and gentle soul who means no harm but also possesses all the perturbed qualities of a person who spends their time immersed in another’s existence. Sometimes I want to offer him food and shelter but common sense tells me that it’s not wise to befriend the obsessed. First of all you run the risk of losing them as an admirer once they REALLY get to know you. It’s one thing to put on a façade while out and about but a whole other one when you’re letting your hair down and it all hang out. It’s decided then, I will keep him at arm’s length and at bay.

I have composed a love note for him just to keep him going. It goes a little something like this:
Dear John Doe:
For the past few months I’ve noticed you lurking in the shadows mouthing my name. I love the attention and the fact that you care. I’ve taken the liberty of telling the world about you because I can tell that you are a very special person. I believe that you’re a loyal friend and a good listener. You are appreciated. I anxiously await seeing your hunched over body behind the bushes. You make me feel special. You make me feel loved. You make me feel like a natural woman.